LOVE Day

I received the best Valentine Day gift today. The people that gave it to me have no idea that they did.  So Z had to work all day today and didn't get home till about 8pm. However, in the midst of my day the kids really wanted to play with friends and they even cleaned up the house so they could. Shortly after they rode off, Jayden became really snuggly. We rocked, and in no time he was sound asleep.  I tucked him in bed and just like that I enjoyed 3 hours of quiet.  Ahhhhh.... I know, you're jealous.  I turned on some soft music and had lots of time to ponder and think.  Really, self meditate. I even got to pick up the house without the tornado boy behind me  un-doing everything I just cleaned. I really can't express how nice it was to be alone.  That seems weird on LOVE DAY, but it was just what I needed.  Thank you Dennis' and Hofmann's for giving me a wonderful gift today.
After the kids got home we ran over to the store to pick up a goody basket for Zach from all of us for LOVE DAY. They helped pick out a few things.  I know he felt bad for working all day,  but truly he hates this holiday, and tells me always how much he loves us.  He's a hard working hubby that is doing everything he can to make it so I can stay home with the kids instead of working. I love you Z. Thanks for your hard work and sacrifice for US!

One More Thing.

I've had a lot to think about tonight while I sit on the couch in quite.
For the past few days I have had increasing pain in my right calf. I told myself it was residual pain from my back surgery.  Yesterday it was much more painful than the day before,  increasing in pain again today.  I really didn't want to go to the ER again, so I asked a friend of mine, who is a PA if he would order an ultrasound.  (My doctors were all out of the office). Sure enough my ultrasound showed a blood clot in 2 veins.  Seriously? Yet another problem I have to tackle? So I now have an internist,  Dr. Faux. He was very good with me.  I have to go off of my pain meds, and on a high dose blood thinner for 3 months. Bring on the Tylenol!  Dr.  Faux told me I have a 50% plus chance of a Pulmonary Embolism (The clot traveling to my lungs). For anyone who doesn't know about PE, it usually is very bad and can be fatal.
I told my hubby after my ultrasound to let him know, and he started stressing out.  Tonight he asked me about our life insurance, etc. Ummm. . . Now I'm stressed.  I had such a good attitude about over coming the trials that I've been faced with, until I actually started pondering Zach's comment.  Tears started rolling down my cheek about the thought of leaving this life.  Should I think this way?  No! Will I be fine?  Probably! But one still comes to wonder when it will be our turn to return home to our Father in Heaven. Young?  Old?  Anytime!  Now I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of leaving my already stressed hubby to be overwhelmed,  stressed,  proudly depressed,  hubby to try and care for himself, our 4 kiddos and all the things of life.  That is a huge burden I never want him to face.  I couldn't bear it!! I love him too much.  He doesn't keep his feelings to himself much,  and just flat out told the kids tonight that I could die.  What?!!?!? That is not something I want them worrying about. Ugh!
Anyway,  they don't usually do follow up ultrasounds, but I requested one just to ease my mind.  It is in 3 weeks.  I hope I will be walking without much pain by then.  This scootering around is getting old. I see my foot doctor Wednesday.  I'm hoping for good news with my x-rays.  Pray for me and Zach.  I think he's more worried than I am.