A conversation with God

We had a lesson in church last week about prayer. I've had this lesson many times before.  I've taught this lesson before. Never can I remember being touched by the Holy Ghost so fierce that I had to fight back the tears that wanted to roll down my cheeks. I NEED TO PRAY MORE.  Spiritually I've been sitting in the drivers seat, with the car on, going NOWHERE.  I've had no growth. One thing that we talked about in detail in the lesson was having a conversation with God,  not just talking to him.  I've come to learn I'm a terrible listener in conversations,  and when I do pray,  I again am a terrible listener. I set out to pray tonight with purpose and meaning.  My head was so jumbled with so many thoughts. I'm not even sure how long I was on my knees,  it doesn't matter, but I do know I was listening and receiving promptings and thoughts. Do I have all my answers,  NO. I do know this journey of self discovery will be a long one.  It will take time, motivation, and spiritual and physical Strength. I will have MANY more questions, and many more CONVERSATIONS with my Heavenly Father.
I know who I am,  and I know who I want to be.  I am A DAUGHTER OF GOD, and I am STRONG. I am so thankful I have the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide me to my knees, and anywhere else I need to be to grow spiritually.

LOVE Day

I received the best Valentine Day gift today. The people that gave it to me have no idea that they did.  So Z had to work all day today and didn't get home till about 8pm. However, in the midst of my day the kids really wanted to play with friends and they even cleaned up the house so they could. Shortly after they rode off, Jayden became really snuggly. We rocked, and in no time he was sound asleep.  I tucked him in bed and just like that I enjoyed 3 hours of quiet.  Ahhhhh.... I know, you're jealous.  I turned on some soft music and had lots of time to ponder and think.  Really, self meditate. I even got to pick up the house without the tornado boy behind me  un-doing everything I just cleaned. I really can't express how nice it was to be alone.  That seems weird on LOVE DAY, but it was just what I needed.  Thank you Dennis' and Hofmann's for giving me a wonderful gift today.
After the kids got home we ran over to the store to pick up a goody basket for Zach from all of us for LOVE DAY. They helped pick out a few things.  I know he felt bad for working all day,  but truly he hates this holiday, and tells me always how much he loves us.  He's a hard working hubby that is doing everything he can to make it so I can stay home with the kids instead of working. I love you Z. Thanks for your hard work and sacrifice for US!

One More Thing.

I've had a lot to think about tonight while I sit on the couch in quite.
For the past few days I have had increasing pain in my right calf. I told myself it was residual pain from my back surgery.  Yesterday it was much more painful than the day before,  increasing in pain again today.  I really didn't want to go to the ER again, so I asked a friend of mine, who is a PA if he would order an ultrasound.  (My doctors were all out of the office). Sure enough my ultrasound showed a blood clot in 2 veins.  Seriously? Yet another problem I have to tackle? So I now have an internist,  Dr. Faux. He was very good with me.  I have to go off of my pain meds, and on a high dose blood thinner for 3 months. Bring on the Tylenol!  Dr.  Faux told me I have a 50% plus chance of a Pulmonary Embolism (The clot traveling to my lungs). For anyone who doesn't know about PE, it usually is very bad and can be fatal.
I told my hubby after my ultrasound to let him know, and he started stressing out.  Tonight he asked me about our life insurance, etc. Ummm. . . Now I'm stressed.  I had such a good attitude about over coming the trials that I've been faced with, until I actually started pondering Zach's comment.  Tears started rolling down my cheek about the thought of leaving this life.  Should I think this way?  No! Will I be fine?  Probably! But one still comes to wonder when it will be our turn to return home to our Father in Heaven. Young?  Old?  Anytime!  Now I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of leaving my already stressed hubby to be overwhelmed,  stressed,  proudly depressed,  hubby to try and care for himself, our 4 kiddos and all the things of life.  That is a huge burden I never want him to face.  I couldn't bear it!! I love him too much.  He doesn't keep his feelings to himself much,  and just flat out told the kids tonight that I could die.  What?!!?!? That is not something I want them worrying about. Ugh!
Anyway,  they don't usually do follow up ultrasounds, but I requested one just to ease my mind.  It is in 3 weeks.  I hope I will be walking without much pain by then.  This scootering around is getting old. I see my foot doctor Wednesday.  I'm hoping for good news with my x-rays.  Pray for me and Zach.  I think he's more worried than I am.

A good day

If you read from my post on Saturday, you would have thought that I would have taken today off of work.  I really had to weigh my options, and we did stay home on Sunday, which helped me recover, so I opted to go to work.
I had a Co-worker pick me up, since I cannot drive. Lucky for us, I brought that handicap parking permit. I chose the elevator over the stairs,  (for good reason) and scootered my way on into work. I think everyone was suprised to see me.  I was there to answer phone calls.  The first half of the day was fine, but that chair + my back + my foot = me being very uncomfortable for the entire afternoon.  I could feel my foot swelling, because I couldn't elevated it well enough.  I couldn't elevated correctly because of my back, and I had to take calls,  so I couldn't lay down.  Sheesh.  I was grateful to come home, lay down, ice and elevate it.  My hubby was so sweet and had dinner all ready for us.  He even made me cheesecake for dessert.  LOVE HIM!
Not a bad day at all. I am for sure still counting down till my 2 week post op apt, hoping I will be able to walk on it again then. Having to use all this "stuff" is sure getting annoying.  It took me 40 min.  to make a batch of brownies yesterday.  I can't wait to walk on it again.
I've done really well post both of my surgeries, and I am extremely grateful for this blessing among many others the Lord has blessed me with. 

Screws?

So today, I've had the luxury of being home in a quiet house again thanks to one of my good friends Andi. Seriously, thank you to everyone who has helped me with my kids. It is much harder than I anticipated, having handicaps and taking care of kids.
Back to today . . . I have had quite a bit more pain today than any other.  I hate the feeling of "feeling the screws" in my foot.  I don't know how else to describe it,  other than I can feel them, and when I am up on my scooter I just have a lot of pressure in that area of my foot.  So much so, that when I lay down and elevate it I can feel a lot of the pressure leave immediately. It also feels like I am developing a pressure sore on my heel inside this make shift cast splint I'm wearing.  The heel pain is what woke me up at 5 am, not the screws. 
I really wanted to make it to the homecoming in Clinton tomorrow, but I won't be able to go, and I'm okay with that.  I am contemplating switching my days off at work next week, so I can have a few more days to rest my foot, and spend some time with my busy working hubby. Have I mentioned, I LOVE HIM?  He came home from work today and has been helping me out so much.  Dishes, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping,  and he's not as stressed today, so he's in a great mood, which makes me happy.
Thank you again to all our ward members that have provided us with some tasty dinners this week.  We have an awesome ward, and I am so thankful to be a part of it.
God is good, and he continues to bless me while I face this trial, learn from it, and leave it in my past.

Foot Surgery and a Day of Rest

Yesterday I had my foot surgery to fix the fracture in my 5th metatarsal.  (Bone from your toes to your ankle). I woke up anxious and had a queezy stomach.  Zach was so stressed out wondering how I was going to do ANYTHING with recovering from my herniated disc back surgery and the recovery from my foot.  He wears his emotions on his sleeve for sure.  It was only stressing me out more, feeling like he wasn't ready to support me through this endeavor.  Where in actuality he was just so worried about me, not knowing what the next 2 wells had in store for me.  I LOVE HIM!
We had to be at the hospital at 7:30. After checking in, Dr. Rigby (foot surgeon) and Dr.  Robinson (Anesthesiologist) came to visit with us prior to surgery.  I KNOW that Zach had a lot of stress relief after talking with both of them.  Dr. Robinson did a great job with my anesthesia.  I was so sick after general anesthesia from my back,  I knew I didn't want to go through that again.  I had a knee block and light sedation. I didn't feel a thing and woke up nausea free.  YES! We have been so impressed with Dr. Rigby.  He was so nice to call me at home last night and see how I was doing. I would recommend him to anyone.
In post op I found it was much easier to use a walker to get short distances than crutches. The crutches hurt my back way to much.  So my modes of transport around the house are my fancy walker equipped with tennis balls,  and my walk about knee scooter equipped with black wire basket.  My kids are loving all my gadgets.  Lyndee said yesterday while playing with the walker, "Look I'm an old granny.  Look I'm April Checketts! " Ha, Ha she thinks she is so funny. However it made me laugh, so I guess she really is.
I've had great help. My mom and mother-in-law watched my kids yesterday and got them everywhere they needed to be.  Today they are at a neighbors house and school leaving me to a very quiet house that I am thoroughly enjoying.  Don't get me wrong I love having my kiddos and hubby home, but it is not often I have a quiet house to myself.
Getting them all ready for pick up this morning was a nightmare.  Someone somewhere was crying or telling me NO repeatedly all morning. We managed and I've checked in with the neighbor and they are doing great.  Thank you Stacey!
Our ward had been so good to bring in dinner.  Last night we had Kneaders for dinner.  Thank you Bro.  & Sister Booth.  I had leftovers for lunch.  We'll have dinner the next 2 nights.
I am hoping to make it to a missionary homecoming on Sunday.  We'll see.  I have had no pain since surgery,  Thank goodness. I've just used ibuprofen and half a Percocet last night before bed for when that block wore off. I slept great and thus far have had no problems.  (Knocking on wood as I type this). I don't want any more trials to test OUR patience right now. (More Zach's than mine). Although I would rather go through this than watch my kids go through it.  For sure.  I hate when they are hurt and sick and I can't do a dang thing about it. 
God is good, and I have been blessed for sure. I've had great recoveries.  I know we all have trials in our lives that we must go through.  These ones are more Zach's than mine, weirdly I know. It's a physical trial for me and a mental/emotional trial for him. He had had to take on so much more around the house and with the kids, that he gets overwhelmed easily. Not to mention he's getting his real estate business up and running at the same time. He's a busy man.  I know I would be just as stressed if it were the other way around, so I'm not judging. He had been great to help me along with anything.  He even said after my back surgery that it was nice to be able to have the opportunity to serve me.  Oh,  I love him! 

Surgery Again?

Yes, you read that title right.  Ugh

I went back to work on January 9,  two and a half weeks after my Microdiscectomy (back surgery).  I was informed by my boss that I needed to be to work early, and she stressed that I could not be late. FINE!  So, I was up early and running right on time.  7am, I went out to the van to load my purse, lunch bag, grabber and diaper bag.  I even cleared the stairs so I wouldn't fall, but . . . my foot decided not to come up high enough while walking up the stairs, and I fell. I fell UP THE STAIRS. Pathetic I know, but somehow I broke my right foot. It was so painful, I hobbled to my bedroom and tears were streaming down my face.  I had to text my boss and tell her I would be late. Sorry Jess.  I had Lyn help me get the kids loaded up around 7:30 and headed to work.  Deep down inside I knew it was broken, but I hoped it was jammed and that it would feel better in a few hours.  Well a few hours passed, it was 3:30pm and still so painful.  I called the foot doctor and asked a few questions.  I took off my shoe and yes, it was swollen and bruised.  I needed an xray.  Since I had never seen Dr. Rigby - foot doctor, they asked Dr. Vernon to order it.  Sure enough it was fractured.  Dr. Vernon wheeled me into his office to see the xray.  I was sent home with a big black hard sole shoe, with instructions to see Dr. Rigby next week.  Dr. Vernon and his medical assistant are the best.

My apt with Dr. Rigby was Friday.  My bone rotated away when it was fractured. He reviewed my xray with me and gave me my 3 options for healing it. Here we go . . .
1. Wear a large leg brace for 12 weeks minimum, in hopes that it will heal.  He didn't have much faith in this option because of the rotation.  I would also need to be off it as much as possible.  Umm I can't do that, I have a family, job, and lots of responsibility. Nope.
2. Cast it, and have no weight bearing on it for 8 weeks with crutches.  That can't be good for my back, and his feelings about this are, that because I am so young I would be to active even on crutches for it to heal properly. Nope.
3. Surgery! What?!!?!?? Not again. Ugh.  With this otion it would take 20 min to make an incision and put in 3 screws bring the fracture back together perfectly.  I could have the surgery on a Thursday, and be back to work on monday with restrictions.  I cannot drive for 2 weeks, no bearing weight on it for 2 weeks, and I get one of those fun knee scooters. I will be able to work but only to answer phones.  Better than nothing, I have no vacation days.

I didn't want to break the news to Zach.  I know it would add so much more stress on him.  I love that he is willing to help me, but I feel like a burden sometimes when I can't even do some of the littlest things, and I know he gets irritated, but he is still good to help.  Love him!  I will be so happy when this is all over, and we don't add anymore"things" to the stress running about in our home.  The first part of April I will be fully recovered from my back, and hopefully my foot.  Nothing like meeting my out of pocket max Dec. 23, 2014, and then meeting this years January 22, 2015.  I have applied for financial assistance in the hospital since we will have almost a $10,000 bill once it's all done.  Why not, just add it to the debt we already have stressing us out.  Where there is a will, there IS A WAY.  I know if we obey and trust in the lord that things will work out for us.

God is good, and we have been blessed.  I know these are trials we must face, and with faith we will overcome them and learn and grow from them.  My back has healed tremendously well, and I have only needed ibuprofen or Tylenol. NO NAROTICS, WOO HOO!!!!  I hope to do the same with my foot surgery.