One More Thing.

I've had a lot to think about tonight while I sit on the couch in quite.
For the past few days I have had increasing pain in my right calf. I told myself it was residual pain from my back surgery.  Yesterday it was much more painful than the day before,  increasing in pain again today.  I really didn't want to go to the ER again, so I asked a friend of mine, who is a PA if he would order an ultrasound.  (My doctors were all out of the office). Sure enough my ultrasound showed a blood clot in 2 veins.  Seriously? Yet another problem I have to tackle? So I now have an internist,  Dr. Faux. He was very good with me.  I have to go off of my pain meds, and on a high dose blood thinner for 3 months. Bring on the Tylenol!  Dr.  Faux told me I have a 50% plus chance of a Pulmonary Embolism (The clot traveling to my lungs). For anyone who doesn't know about PE, it usually is very bad and can be fatal.
I told my hubby after my ultrasound to let him know, and he started stressing out.  Tonight he asked me about our life insurance, etc. Ummm. . . Now I'm stressed.  I had such a good attitude about over coming the trials that I've been faced with, until I actually started pondering Zach's comment.  Tears started rolling down my cheek about the thought of leaving this life.  Should I think this way?  No! Will I be fine?  Probably! But one still comes to wonder when it will be our turn to return home to our Father in Heaven. Young?  Old?  Anytime!  Now I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of leaving my already stressed hubby to be overwhelmed,  stressed,  proudly depressed,  hubby to try and care for himself, our 4 kiddos and all the things of life.  That is a huge burden I never want him to face.  I couldn't bear it!! I love him too much.  He doesn't keep his feelings to himself much,  and just flat out told the kids tonight that I could die.  What?!!?!? That is not something I want them worrying about. Ugh!
Anyway,  they don't usually do follow up ultrasounds, but I requested one just to ease my mind.  It is in 3 weeks.  I hope I will be walking without much pain by then.  This scootering around is getting old. I see my foot doctor Wednesday.  I'm hoping for good news with my x-rays.  Pray for me and Zach.  I think he's more worried than I am.