WHY??

So tonight I keep asking myself WHY?  Why do I have to get to the point where I am yelling at my 5 almost 6 year old, before he'll get anything done?  Why do I have to repeat myself over, and over, and over, and over again?  Why isn't me politely asking enough? WHY?

Today I caught myself telling him things over, and over.  Let's start from the beginning.  Here are the things I had to repeatedly ask him to do. (repeated being more than 8 times)
(Before School)
What do you want for breakfast?
Get dressed!
Get your shoes on!
Brush your teeth!
Get your backpack!
(After School)
You have one problem left, let's finish it!
Get you soccer stuff on!
Find you soccer ball!
Where are you cleats?
Take your ball upstairs!
Stop whining, Dinner is almost ready!
Set the table?
Get in the bathtub!    
No Kindle!!!!
Go to bed!!!!!!!!

The extra !! are because at the end of the day I am so tired of yelling.  Tonight my throat hurts, and my voice is raspy.  Why won't he just listen to me and do as I ask, WHY?  I am not joking about the list above.  I really had to repeat everyone of those things multiple times.  No I did not start out yelling, I politely asked first, and over 8+ times I resort to yelling.  Then he decides that he doesn't like our family (because I'm yelling).  I will give him one kudos, when it was time to come inside I went outside and said, "Time to come in", and he said okay, and came right in.  See, I know he can do it, he is just so stubborn.  I really do love him so much, but I am getting so frustrated that he just won't listen, or chooses not to listen.  UGH!!

DINNER

 

Tonight while Alex and Madi were whining about being hungry, and Jayden was screaming, just because, and Lyn was finishing her homework, I was making dinner.  Nothing special, really. I made grilled chicken, Alfredo pasta, and sweet corn.  Zach was home teaching, so it was just me and the kiddos.  I couldn't believe how much they all ate.  Each of them had 3 helpings of pasta, and Alex had 2 helpings of corn.  I only made enough chicken for each of us, or they would have had double helpings of chicken.  Either they were all really hungry, or it really tasted good.  I think a little of both.  They just kept eating, and eating.  They would pile more food on their plates and I kept thinking to myself, they're never going to finish all that, but lo and behold THEY DID!!  I wish they would eat like that more often.  What is really funny is right before bed Alex was searching through the fridge because he was hungry.  He didn't eat enough?  Double WOW! 

 

ME TIME

 

I love my kids so much!  I enjoy spending time with them as long as nobody is screaming or whining.  One thing I look forward to every night is Me Time.  That hour or so that I have all to myself after they have all gone off to bed and are in dream land.  I can do whatever I want.  Unfortunately I find myself being all to lazy.  Tonight I'm blogging, and soon will be upstairs making swiss meringue buttercream frosting. YUM!  It's funny.  As our house was in an uproar this evening, Zach turned to me and says, "Don't you just want to be a stay at home mom?"  I could strangle him!  Yes, I want the ability to be able to be home with my kids when they get home from school.  I hate having to rely on others to get my kids here or there, and I hate paying for daycare.  I did enjoy my maternity leave, and Zach loved me being home even more.  It was a huge stress lifted off his shoulders that he didn't have to worry about where he needed to pick up the kids from, or being home in time when they get out of school, etc.  I do want to be home with my kids.  My only fear is that with the changes we are making in our lives, and Zach going back to school, that he will still be so busy that I'll never get a relief from them.  He'll be too busy for me to go do something, anything with out them.   How nice would it be to actually go grocery shopping by myself.  Oh how I miss the days of going to the store alone. . . . . . . On the other side, I keep reminding myself that I have a sister, and close co-worker that have not been able to have kids, and my best friend, and another co-worker who have both lost children.  I am so grateful that I have been blessed with my kids, but I love my alone time each night.  One of my super wise cousins (Amy Alleman) said something to me about this exact subject.  I can't quote word for word, but it went something like this.  " Yes you have your children, and they don't but these are the trials that I have to face, and they have to face.  The trials I am given are for me and consist of learning patience with my kids, as their trials are of loss.  They are different for each of us, but are still trials that we must endure."  Umm . . . . Love Her.  This is my trial right now in my life.  God gives us the trials we can handle, and it is up to me how I will react to this trial, and learn from it.  Kids grow all to fast and time is passing faster and faster.  I enjoy being with my kids, and spending time with them as long as I am not hurried or rushed.  They make me so happy.  Raising kids are the happiest and hardest thing I want to do.  I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who continues to help me, and share as much time with our kids as possible.  He works 1 full time job, and 2 part time jobs to support us.  (I work too)  Even then making ends meet has become rather tough.  He still uses whatever time he can squeeze it to play with the kids, and I love him for that!!  I am so grateful that he is a worthy priesthood holder, and that he asked the kids if they wanted father's blessing for school.  They all said yes, even Madi.  It was a spiritual experience, and I am thankful for his offering and showing the kids that the priesthood is real.